I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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