We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
