his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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