I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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