You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
