Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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