So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
