no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
