Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He has the fingertips of a God
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