Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
