Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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