ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
this is an emotional support booty call
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
