I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
