dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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