I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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