Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize