I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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