ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
