At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
