mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize