I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
