I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
