I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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