You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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