My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
