I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
