I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize