Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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