**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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