It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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