I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
