Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
