I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have already put on my inside pants.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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