you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
