At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
