That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
