your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
