Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
