My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
