I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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