when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
