problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
