clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
