I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
