that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
