That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
