i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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