Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
