I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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