He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
