Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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