Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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