Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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