If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
