Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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