And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
