I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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