I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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