do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
