Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
