Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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