What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize