Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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