do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
