I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wish you could order shots online.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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