I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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