she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
