My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
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