I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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