You're my little dorito
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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