All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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