he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
